🦋 Späti Stories #5 - Meet Robert and Krista - Loss, New Life and Community in Berlin
Where grief and joy meet, Berlin's community shows its strength.
🎧 Listening to Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
The new year brings both endings and beginnings - a time when many of us reflect on what we've lost and gained, what we hope to change, and what unexpected turns life might take. For our first issue of 2025, we explore these contrasts through two powerful Berlin stories.
Robert, born and raised in the city, found and lost the love of his life here - his fellow Berliner Elli, who passed away in 2024. In contrast, Krista, who moved from the USA, discovered a new life in Berlin and chose this city as the place to welcome her first child.
Robert and Krista's stories remind us that life's most significant changes—whether full of joy or sorrow—often arrive unexpectedly, right where we are. These moments of transformation, though painful or exhilarating, belong to the same cycle. We change, we grieve, we grow, and in the spaces left behind, we begin again.
Grab a warm drink, find a cozy spot, and join us for these moving tales of love, loss, and new beginnings in Berlin.
Robert Marx is a Berlin-born aerospace engineer whose life changed when his wife Ellie was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Through his blog "Morphine on Banana Bread," he shares their story to raise awareness and support others facing this diagnosis. He is always wearing banana-themed accessories in remembrance and joy for life.
Robert was one of our first readers to reach out after our newsletter launch. His email touched us deeply: "I wanted to reach out with a story near to my Berlin heart. She is a Berliner, I am as well. Berlin has brought me the love of my life and taken her again but there is so much energy left and I'd love to tell fellow Berliners that now is the time for everything."
We met Robert at 21 Gramm café in Neukölln, where a friend of Elli had gotten married in 2023. The café, housed in a former chapel beside a cemetery, seemed fitting for their story. When the café proved too noisy for our recording, Robert suggested we move to the cemetery behind it. "It would for sure be quiet," he said. We found a bench at the sun, and there he began sharing their story.
"I think it's such a wonderful spot because you have life and death so close to each other here. There's sorrow and joy, and they're always intertwined in a way," Robert shared.
Their story began in school, blossomed during a swimming class, and took years to fully unfold. After helping each other through "wonderfully toxic relationships" and sharing life as friends, they finally came together in Seattle in 2018, where Robert worked at Boeing. They had known each other for 17 years when Elli passed away in May 2024.
At 30, Elli was diagnosed with glioblastoma, a stage 4 brain tumor. The diagnosis came after what was initially thought to be epilepsy. "When we came out of the surgery, after the pathology results...I immediately felt sick, had to sit down on a bench, and knew exactly what it meant. We walked out, holding each other, crying," Robert recalled.
But they chose to embrace life. "Everyone has a time stamp. Everyone will die eventually, and we just embraced humor, hope, and courage," Robert reflected. "The thought of death wasn't something we lived with every single day. It's strange—when you don't have that time stamp, the diagnosis, it might feel more present at times. But when you truly live in the moment, it can feel almost peaceful."
During Elli's final months, Robert moved with her to the hospice, sharing her room until her last day. He quit his job to be by her side, where he wrote 120 entries for his blog "Morphine on Banana Bread," named after Elli's first experience with morphine served on banana bread during a flight at 41.000ft. While the blog is live, these intimate entries from their time at the hospice and general support for caregivers await publication, aiming to raise awareness about glioblastoma and offer hope to others.
Their final adventure together was fulfilling Elli's last wish - visiting Cape Reinga, New Zealand's northernmost point. Through crowdfunding, they raised €40,000 in twelve days. The journey required extensive preparation: "We had to bring narcotics like morphine and other medications. We also had to bring intubation equipment in case something happened to Elli. We had to prepare for everything, even the possibility of staying in hospice care in New Zealand," Robert explained. Despite these challenges, they made it. "It was simply wonderful, something no one can take away from us. What's even more meaningful is seeing how people—humans—helped other humans."
Today, Robert carries forward Elli's memory with remarkable positivity, sharing an important lesson from their journey:
"Don't take yourself too seriously. Before my wife's illness, I definitely had this mindset that what I was doing was so important - thinking, 'This is so crucial. If I don't do this or succeed, my world will fall apart.' When you go through something like this, you realize a lot of things don't really matter. Learn to laugh at yourself, at things, at mistakes. Now's the time for everything"
Starting this February, Robert continues to help others through grief - he's launching Lebenmitdemtod, a podcast series for hospice care facilities.
His favorite Berlin moment? "When I come back from somewhere...you return to your favorite pub, the café around the corner, and the friendships you've built. For me, Berlin is a bit like the first buds of spring after a long winter, or the first rays of sunlight breaking through the undergrowth or leaves. That's what Berlin feels like to me."
Krista Casey is a Berlin-based coach helping women navigate motherhood and career. After years in international corporate leadership, she discovered her calling after becoming a mother in Berlin – now supporting other expat parents.
We also got to know Krista through email, when she reached out with her story at the end of 2024. Her story immediately caught our attention - while Berlin often inspires people to start creative projects or businesses, Krista's story was different: she found in Berlin the courage to start perhaps life's biggest project - raising a child.
For our interview, Krista invited us to her cozy Neubau apartment in Prenzlauer Berg, explaining that every piece there tells a story she and her husband collected together. Greeted by their dog Leo and warm lighting, we settled into a comfortable conversation about how Berlin transformed her perspective on family life.
Krista moved to Berlin in 2018 for work, bringing her husband and Leo along for what they thought would be just a European adventure. "The more I reflect back, it feels very intentional. I felt very stuck in my life. I didn't understand what was next for me on my own terms. And now I see that Berlin was the answer to that," she shared.
Back in the US, starting a family seemed unlikely due to their demanding careers. But Berlin offered a different view: "I started to observe... female colleagues, female friends having children. It looked very different - you stop working six weeks before your due date, you have 12 to 18 months of leave. There's a social system to support you. It started to feel like this could be possible."
The journey wasn't easy. "My highest high was welcoming my son. And my lowest low was two miscarriages before his birth," Krista revealed. She realized she needed to build a support system from scratch.
"I hadn't invested in my friendships, in my social community because I had been so focused on my work and I really wanted to prove myself. It started with colleagues, but that didn't go as deep as I wanted it to. I tried the Bumble app. I just really wanted to meet other expats and try to connect with other women. But I would say I really struggled until I welcomed my son to find women that I really trust and confide in. And now I feel like my community is very strong."
This experience led Krista to transform her career. She left her position as a creative leader in a multinational company to become a coach, helping women navigate motherhood. The shift was inspired by her own journey - particularly when her doula became her coach. "Once someone's your doula, you intimately know them. Through watching them work and practice, that was really cool to see how it could be done." She now works primarily with mothers returning to work after parental leave, addressing the gaps in support during this transition.
For Krista, Berlin has become more than just a city. "Berlin for me is community. A community in which I can raise my family. But also even more important, I do think it's a place where I can hold space for myself and pursuing my own dreams while still showing up as the best version of myself for my son."
Her advice to those struggling in Berlin? "Don't leave would be my first thing... find what community looks like for you or maybe find what one other person looks like for you. Because once you find your people here, I do think the whole city changes and it becomes something that's very energizing and caring for you."
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It is in the intertwining of loss and renewal where true resilience is found. In their highest highs and lowest lows, Robert and Krista discovered Berlin's greatest strength: its community. While Robert was lifted by his community through grief, Krista was supported by hers to welcome new life.
Much like the city around them, Robert and Krista learned that life, in all its messiness, finds ways to keep going.
As we begin 2025, whether you're letting go or welcoming something new, we hope you find your people in Berlin. Because most of the time, the city's magic isn't in its spaces, but in the humans who share them.
💙 Let's stay together this year,
Isabelle and Lua
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